A journal entry from January 14, 2016:
I had a good time with the Lord yesterday while B & G went to Dr so I was alone for awhile which is rare. I’ve been struggling last few days especially when I sit down to the piano…perhaps another layer of grieving over what the stroke robbed from Brian (& me). I know all the “right” spiritual answers & yes genuinely believe & see how God has used it for good in our lives & others’ lives…but at times the pain of the loss is overwhelming. (Much of the dynamic of our marriage has changed-from schedule to intimacy to his needing care/support to the inability to play music together.) I think it’s hitting me fresh b/c we are more settled now & the days are not jammed with stress&/or activity or decisions.
AT ANY RATE I had a breakdown/ breakthrough yesterday & did some business with the Father. I sensed Him telling me that just like He changed my foundation of beliefs/identity, He was changing the foundation of our love/marriage . That was difficult to receive at first b/c I guess our love has always been precious to me. But God is rebuilding our foundation of love on HIM not us. It hit me at a very deep level.
* As of 12/27/17 this word from the Lord has continued to bear witness and play out in our lives and marriage. As time as gone on we see much more clearly.